I don’t have much time for much of anything but practicing and sleeping these days, but I thought I’d check in anyway. I’ve been feeling a desperate need to sit and reflect on sacred things today. 5 weeks from Saturday I’ll be done with college. 6 weeks from Sunday I’ll have my diploma. I’m desperately wanting to be done with school, but I’m having to work on submitting to God’s will in where He has me. I’m learning lessons about pride and selfishness in this last, frustrating, draining semester of college that are no fun to be learning. In the face of these lessons I’m constantly having to battle the retreat into apathy. I catch myself walking away from God and then I discover that to confess my sin to Him takes more humility than I can afford, so I put it off, living in the miry, paradoxical combination of pride and shame for a little longer. Too proud to confess. Too ashamed to confess. Too proud to admit shame. And then I remember these words:
Nothing in my hands I bring. Simply to thy cross I cling.
The whole point of the Christian life is to throw ourselves on the mercy of Christ. Confession of our sin is only painful if we are focused on ourselves, agonizing over our pride and our shame. If we are focused on Christ’s cross He covers the pride and the shame and forgives us.
Foul, I to the fountain fly. Wash me, Savior, or I die.