Almost Sunday

I wrote a month ago that I’ve been living for Sunday. It’s even truer this month than it was last month. The best way I can figure to describe what I’ve been going through in the last few weeks is depression. It’s all wrapped up in sin and weakness and trying circumstances like recital preparation and sickness. Mostly sin.

This morning was no exception. I didn’t want to get out of bed when I woke up. Something convinced me to get up anyway and to fight for the desire to honor God. Now the day is almost over. I’ve practiced well (for a change), I’ve got a yummy Sunday dinner prepared for our dear, blind, music-loving friend from church with leftovers planned for lunches all week, rent is paid, groceries are in the pantry and twenty meals worth of meat is divided up and frozen, cinnamon rolls are rising in the fridge for breakfast, and now hanging above my kitchen sink are some of the words that are slowly working on my soul in the past week, dinner is made and eaten and cleaned up, and now I’m sitting on the couch with Mike watching a movie and eating peanut butter cookies and procrastinating on a school assignment.

Table set for steak, pasta salad, green beans, and Mike's cheesecake
Psalm 40, Psalm 34:1, John 14:15, and George Herbert above the kitchen sink
Clean Kitchen

I’m not sure when it’s going to get easier to get out bed. Maybe when the mono goes away, maybe when my recital’s done, maybe not. But for now words like Psalm 40:1-5, 17, John 14:15, Psalm 34:1, and George Herbert’s poetry (Love Bade Me Welcome, The Call, and The Pulley) will hopefully keep me going between Sundays. And I’m going to keep fighting to love God more than my sin and seek His glory and honor.

Flowers from a very thoughtful, caring husband who snuck them into the house on Thursday afternoon while I slept

Jesus, Master, whom I serve,
Though so feebly and so ill,
Strengthen hand and heart and nerve
All Thy bidding to fulfill;
Open Thou mine eyes to see
All the work Thou hast for me.

Lord, Thou needest not, I know,
Service such as I can bring,
Yet I long to prove and show
Full allegiance to my King.
Thou an honor art to me,
Let me be a praise to thee.

Jesus, Master, I am Thine;
Keep me faithful, keep me near;
Let Thy presence in me shine
All my homeward way to cheer,
Jesus, at Thy feet I fall,
O be Thou my all in all.

Samuel Rutherford and Cookies! 🙂
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