I had an epiphany of sorts this morning. I took time out of my busy weekend to go to the last Service of Morning Prayer of my college career. These twenty minute services happen every Friday here and have been some of the richest worship experiences I’ve had in the past four years.
I brought some light reading with me to enjoy during the Music for Reflection, equal parts protest of the workload these last weeks have brought and spiritual life-support. I’m reading for the Nth time through Andree Seu’s essay collection, Won’t Let You Go Unless You Bless Me.
This was my epiphany: “…Paul’s words about contentment in Philippians 3:12-14…” It wasn’t even an integral part of her essay; just a passing illustration. “Contentment?!” I thought.
I’ve been theorizing that the root of what is creating intense spiritual turmoil for me in the last few months is discontentment. Sin sends me into despair that I’ll never be holy.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Sure enough, there it is. There, in the very passage I’ve claimed for four years as my raison d’etre for Parnassum. It’s not just about pressing on. It’s about being humbly content with not being there yet.