A Mother’s Meditation

I have been wishing lately that I could find the time and discipline to simply sit and meditate on Scripture. Some of my happiest moments have been long walks praying through simple things like the fruit of the Spirit? “What does it mean for me to be full of love? joy? peace?…” This sort of focused, intentional contemplation of God’s Word for me is life blood. And then God handed me a 2yo, which didn’t exactly help with the time problem.

Reading in Psalm 119 the other day got me thinking about it again. The day before, I’d heard Josh’s final sermon on Ecclesiastes and his observation that Christian wisdom is not about sitting and conjuring up wisdom for future, hypothetical scenarios. It’s about living faithfully each moment. Fear God and keep His commandments and all that…

Over the past couple years Mike and I have developed a phrase in our vocabulary. “I didn’t love you well,” we’ll say, or “I am just not sure how to love him well right now.” What we’re getting at is that we are called to love each other, but it takes wisdom to know what that looks like at any given moment. Love is not a feeling. What do you need from me right now? That’s what love asks.

I am forced to constantly ask myself what it looks like to love two little kiddos well in the middle of all the pottying and the tickling and the stories, the grabby hands and the teary eyes and the whiny voices. I’m coming to realize in the killingly mundane work of caring for two babies that my whole day, all day every day, if I live it with my heart open to the Lord, is it’s own kind of meditation: “Love one another,” Jesus says. “Teach the younger women to love their husbands and to love their children,” Paul says. These simple and profound Scriptures are my subject of meditation these days.

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