I thought maybe I’d leave this letter unwritten. It would be ironic: The only month I’ve ever missed writing to Jacob was when we moved from Minnesota to Indiana. Over and over I intended to sit down and do it but there was always something I was more anxious to accomplish. That’s how it’s been this month, only on top of a move is a newborn to hold.
Maybe the only thing that salvaged this letter is that on the appointed day I dutifully selected the pictures to publish here, and their potential has called to me day after day. And now after a totally exhausting day I need to sit and unwind. The house is silent and dark; I’m the only one awake. It’s mostly clean, too, thanks to Gramma’s presence this week and the unpacking progress I am making.
The other reason I’ve thought not to write is that I don’t know what to say. Over and over I think of words, ideas, reflections. In an instant, though, they are gone – casualties of postpartum sleep deprivation.
I have only to say that you are beautiful, so beautiful. We are delighting in you every day. We are amazed at how you are growing into a lovely little girl; at how smart you are – how full of determination and ambition and patient persistence. And how full of affection – not only for your people but for the whole world. You possess this joie de vivre that infects everything around you. I can see it on your face, how your eyes get big and you agree to some great idea; how eager you are for things like little walks in your “Wittow Merry Stroller.”
Not only is the newborn and the moving distracting to me this month, but the planning and scheming for your birthday is taking up a fair amount of time and attention. I have assembled your cast of birthday presents, selected a cake, and have begun to ponder how we might spend the day, and I’m enjoying your constant queries about when it will be, and your constant declaration that you want to go to BUGS for a present.
Sunday while you slept I sewed you a little baby carrier so you can wear your baby like I wear mine. I’m totally busting to give it to you.
I love you.